MySpace blog: O dreaded double blog....

I feel like crap.

Not physically, just emotionally. Well, kind of physically too..

There's the annual bout of valentine's melancholy, but it has little to do with the romantic situation of yours truly.

While there is the normal feeling of, "aw man, another valentines, another year of singleness," there is mostly the feeling of, "wow, I am ridiculously busy, and I have no time for people." I had planned on this being the semester where everything would be fun and I would have tons of time. But that just isn't the case. I have way too much on my plate, as usual, but this time, it really feels like too much. Last semester, it was too much and led to a meltdown of sorts around Thanksgiving time.

At least this semester I am aware of things, but I was telling myself tonight that I will just have to not spend time with my friends, and I got an e-mail from a friend who is also very busy, that included a line about "I always have time for friends" or something like that.

After feeling bad because I have not been spending enough time with my friends, I finally sat down and put all of my tests, presentations, and reading assignments into my calendar. Wow. It's like 5 weeks into the semester, and I finally did it. Wow again. I have no idea why I have this much work seeing as I'm only taking 13 units, and one of those is a PE class that I already didn't do the semester paper for (it was way too much work, seeing as it was only worth 5% of my grade).

I felt like I got punched in the stomach. Then I all of a sudden did really care about the whole Valentine's thing, because that is always the crappy thing that comes into my mind after I'm already feeling down.

Now I'm sitting here writing, and feeling better. Just like in December, bad times lead to more writing.

I'm making weird mental connections between Journey and Journal right now and I know they both come from the Latin root having to do with "day.." yada yada yada. My thoughts are firing at incredible rates and my hands can't keep up.

Why must emotion be the stimulus of the greatest thought?

Why must "bad" emotions be the ones that provoke me to the most creativity?
Are they really bad emotions then?

I've spent the last 5 hours in pretty much complete solitude, so maybe I just feel like I'm barfing my thoughts on people via the internet because I feel strangely isolated. This is very good...I have to write a paper on "abandonment" for my community development class, and it's supposed to take into account our own personal experience.

I wrote a song at Thanksgiving called "Mr. Melancholy," (I have a feeling that someone at some point has written something with that title, and I bet it's a really famous song, but I don't care)

I can't even remember the words right now, but the ones I do remember definitely are ringing true right now about feeling poopy.

Lamentations 3, I will cling to you!