MySpace blog: Look on the bright side

I know I've been whining about being sick all week, but I just tried singing really high, and I can actually sing higher right now than I've been able to since my voice changed. I really hope I am able to still hit those notes when I get better. So, if being sick meant there would be a permanent change in my range, then it's been worth it.

There's a cool spiritual truth wrapped up in this all regarding sickness, healing, and what exactly is God's purpose for our lives (including why The Purpose Driven Life is only half of the truth). I'm going to not talk about that here, because not everyone is going to like it unless I take a lot of time to explain it, and I'm tired of writing theology for a non-academic community at this point, so sorry, my myspace friends, I will have to keep you in the dark as to what is going on in my mind :). If you want a hint, read my favorite book, Ecclesiastes, and focus on the end when it talks about the meaning of life. I would definitely suggest reading it in one sitting, or you might be depressed for awhile, if you are prone to that sort of thing.

One more "bright side"
Daylight Savings Time ends tonight. That means an extra hour of sleep, and an extra hour of weekend!

Make sure set your clock back.

Last "bright side"
I had to listen to "Mr. Brightside" right now, even though it's not the most godly song.

Currently listening : Hot Fuss By The Killers Release date: 15 June, 2004

MySpace blog: explanation

I took down the first blog on sin unintentionally. I am trying to weed out all the comments that were made by me in which I misspoke. I also edited the second blog because I was very condescending when I wrote it. I struggle with that, and I think my top sin issue is pride, specifically in the area of intellect (God has shown me a lot about the issue of strengths and weaknesses through all this. If you're into that sort of thing, I'll share it with you). So, those parts of the second blog are gone now too.

I also deleted some comments from the last blog that I felt were better said in private than in public.

I want to clear up any misconceptions people might have about what I think of Juan (who has been my opponent in the debate). I do not think any less of him for disagreeing with me. Sometimes, the things we said came across as hurtful, but I know that I did not mean those things in that way, and he has told me that he did not either.

There is a huge difference between making pointed remarks about one's use of logic, and making pointed, hurtful remarks about one's logical capacity. I hope to be like Christ and Paul and be capable of satirically doing the former without hurtfully doing the latter.

I added the "rules" found at the top of my blog to prevent problems from arising in future issues.

Randomnimity:
I hate being sick! It's raining and I'm sick. I pretty much can't do anything fun as a result.

I voted today.

Vox Dei starts on Sunday.

The Halloween Party is next Monday. Check out my profile for more details.

Currently listening : Ghosts By Sleeping at Last Release date: 07 October, 2003

MySpace blog: Biblical Evidence for a "new" perspective

Romans 1:18-23 and 2:17-28 speak a lot about revelation, worship, and sin. I don't want to talk about revelation, because that is a huge topic that myspace is insufficient for. I would have to write a chapter, not just a blog to explain that. I would love to dive into this with further with some of you (who think along the same lines as me), and I have/will let you know who you are. For the others, sorry.

I'll just give you a part of this that is not tied to revelation as much.

First off, would you not agree that honor and dishonor both say how much we value things? That is what a statement of worth is.

Read Romans 2:23. Dishonor is tied to sin. Dishonor is a statement of God's worth. That means that dishonor is a kind of worship (a negative statement of worth).

Really my whole issue still comes down to our misuse of the word worship. We should use words like magnify, glorify, praise, or exalt, because "worship" is vague. I cannot magnify, glorify, praise, or exalt God through sin. My sin is the opposite of all those things. However, sin is worship, but is opposite of those other words, which are also worship.

Re-enter the coin analogy. One side of the coin is called "heads," and the other "tails." But, the whole thing is called "coin."

The problem with the modern, Western Church, is that we call what is just the heads side "coin," but that is a misnomer. "Coin" refers to both the heads side and the tails side.

The problem with the modern, Western church is that we call what is just the glorify/magnify/praise side "worship," but that is a misnomer. "Worship" refers to both the glorify/magnify/praise side and the sin side.

Now, this is the key issue that God has been showing me through my head. However, He has been speaking it through Scripture for nearly 2,000 years. We must at least agree that sin dishonors God, and that God is the primary reason we should not sin.

My personal vendetta against the meaning of the word "worship" in the American Church should not pollute your understanding of sin as dishonoring to God. If it does, I apologize. Just ignore my words and continue to honor God. I know that for many of you, my explanation and way of thought was helpful, and because it was, I feel like all these hours and words have been worth it.

I know I'm not going to stop thinking about my new approach, because it opens up so many new doors for me (and some of you). I have a lot more going on in this head of mine regarding all the issues opened up by the tie-in with revelation, but I will never write about those on myspace. If I ever write a book on worship, you can bet they'll be in there.

MySpace blog: Birthday

I just walked into work and there was birthday stuff all over my desk and computer. Since they missed my birthday 3 months and 2 days ago, they all signed a little card for me now. How random. I love it!

I am probably going to write another blog about all I've been talking about, because God hit me with a ton of bricks today about how I was wrong. The theology is totally right, but when I said before that you don't need to believe it, I was wrong. Maybe you don't need to use the words I'm using, but you do need to believe that sin and God's honor are intimately tied together. Read Romans 1-2, and I'll have more to say in a few days.

Still sick, but blogging on the clock!

BOTC!!!

MySpace blog: An exposition of Hebrews, the Limitation of Language, and the Use of Deductive Reasoning

This blog is really long (4 pages single-spaced). Take that however you want to :)

A friend of mine has encouraged me to not defend the truth, but to let the truth defend itself. I agree with that thought. However, the truth must be exposed before it can defend itself. God has already revealed the truth in a number of ways—through General Revelation (logic, language, and analogy) and Special Revelation (as found in His word and His Son). So, all that remains is the illumination of that revelation—we must be exposed to what God has already made known. These thoughts on revelation have been accepted throughout almost the entire Church (my theology prof. estimated 85ast week), throughout history. I know that most readers do not have a theological background, but it would take a long time to explain a sufficient amount of the theology of revelation, so you’ll just have to take my word for it for now.

All of this is to say, I do not care to convince you I am right. I simply care to illuminate the truth that God has already revealed through His word, and through the simple structure of logic that He gave to us when He created us with a rational mind. I will probably keep writing on this until people understand what I’m saying, regardless of whether they agree with it (though I don’t see how one could disagree with this concept, once it is correctly understood, because of its simplicity). It actually seems that a few of those who “agree” with me are still not quite getting the point. Yes, I know that it is possible to worship other things, but I think we all know that, and that is not the point of this discussion. So, here is what the point is, in a very long form:

The book of Hebrews was written to the Jews of the early church, who believed in Christ already. In the same way, I write to you, my brothers and sisters, who already believe in Christ. Unbelievers need not concern themselves with the finer points of theology until they have come to belief that Christ came to save us from our sin.

Hebrews was written to more-closely examine the nature of Christ. Throughout the book, the author (who is unknown) makes a number of comparisons between good things and Christ. In chapter one, he says, “he (Jesus) became as much superior to the angels as the name he has inherited is superior to theirs”(v. 4). In other words, Christ is better than the angels.

In chapter 3, Christ is greater than Moses—“Jesus has been found worthy of greater honor than Moses, just as the builder of a house has greater honor than the house itself”(3:3).

In chapter 7, Christ is compared to Melchizedek, who was a priest in the time of Abraham. The point of the chapter is that Christ, like Melchizedek, is greater than the Levitical Priests (the Priests of the Hebrew community). (Side note: nothing is said comparing Christ to Melchizedek, which is significant in my mind, but completely irrelevant here).

I bother to examine Hebrews, because I think it is a Biblical proof of what I’m about to say…

Worshiping Christ, while we live on the Earth, is limited by language to comparison of Christ to other things.

Our limitation to comparison is rooted in the nature of language. Language is flawed. It is insufficient. My own inability to communicate what I mean by sin being a type of worship is a good example (clarification: sin is worship in the sense that sin is a type of worship—a negative statement of worth).

I really do not care to convince anyone to see things the same way I do. I do want everyone to understand what I am really saying. Those of you who disagree with me and some of those of you who agree with me are leaving me comments that indicate that I am not communicating what I mean.

I know people will object to the notion that language could limit worship. But, that is widely accepted by the intellectual community within the Church. So, how could language possibly limit our worship of God? Calvin speaks of Total Depravity—that everything is tainted by the Fall. This is widely supported throughout Scripture (e.g. James 2:18, which says that we are the firstfruits of redemption in all creation, which implies that all creation is fallen because of man’s sin).

Consider what we can learn from the classical Greek model of Symbols. A word is a symbol. The symbol (referred to as “a” from here on out) stands for a true thing in the mind of the speaker (referred to as “b”). When the speaker says “a,” he is thinking of “b,” however, the listener has her own interpretation of “a,” which we will call “c.” For instance, if I say the word “dog,” I might be referring to my family’s dog, Cody. But, when I said, “dog,” you probably thought of your own dog or a generic canine. You see, language is flawed.

David Crowder has a lot to say about language. His new CD shows an atom on the cover due to the electron model proposed by Enrico Fermi. That is still how we draw atoms, but, in Crowder’s words, “this model is improper in its depiction of particle matter. We know in fact that electrons do not circle in elliptical paths around a nucleus. And this is the difficulty with symbols. They are never quite proper. They are always a bit broken.” In the same way, our symbols for God, our words to describe Him, are broken.

Another way to view the problem with language is to say that every descriptive word we have is simply a comparison. Even if I use a generic adjective to describe something, it is still a comparison. If I say my door is white, the only reason you understand what white looks like is because you have seen white before. Therefore, you automatically compare my door, at a very basic level, to whatever else you have seen that is white.

If I say, “God is wonderful,” I inherently say, “God is wonderful compared to this, and this, and this.” Hopefully, I mean that “God is wonderful compared to everything in my life.” Hopefully, I mean, “God is more wonderful than anything.” Hopefully, I mean, “God is better than everything,” which is the point of Hebrews.

We know that worship is not only about what we say, but is about how we live (which includes what we say). Romans 12:1 says, “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship.”

Our actions (not just our words) must always say, “God is better than everything else,” or we are not worshiping Him correctly. Implicit in that statement is its counterpoint: incorrect worship of God is when we say, “God is not better than every other thing.” However, that is still a type of worship, because it is still a statement of worth, which, as I have said before, is the meaning of worship as defined in the English language. (For this discussion, looking at the Greek and Hebrew is simply tedious because in the Hebrew, there are many words translated “worship” that also mean many other things, and in the Greek, there are many words that are translated as “worship.” The reason the translators translated these words as “worship” is because it means “worship”—a statement of worth. I could use the Hebrew, at least, to defend myself, but that’s not what I’m trying to do. I’m not trying to defend myself, but rather, explain what worship is really about).

There is a significant difference between God’s worth and a statement of God’s worth. God’s worth is not worship; it is simply God’s worth. He is worthy. That can never change. As Juan said, He does not need us to worship Him. In other words, He does not need us to tell Him how much He is worth, because He knows that He is worthy beyond comparison—that He is beyond description. The problem is that worship has been misunderstood by the modern Church. Our generation, which is called “the worship generation,” especially doesn’t get it. Worship really is us saying “God, you are worth ________ to me,” through the way we live our lives.

Here’s some deductive logic. Here comes the bare bones version of this whole deal. Ready? OK.

Premise 1:
When I sin, I make a statement of God’s worth (I say He is worth less than my own pleasure).

Mathematical version: sin= one type of a statement of God’s worth

(Very important: Sin is only one kind of statement of God’s worth, and it is the wrong kind of statement, because it says something else is worth more than God).

Premise 2:
The meaning of the word “worship,” from the Old English weorth and scipe is “a statement of worth.”

Mathematical version: Worship=a statement of God’s worth

For those of you who do not have a background in logic or deductive reasoning, let me just say that it works very much like math, hence my “mathematical versions.” You have some premises, and when you add them together, you have the logical result. So long as your premises are correct, your conclusion must be. If the conclusion can be disproved, then one of your premises is inaccurate. I hope I have clearly defended that my premises are accurate through these blogs.

So, let’s add the two true premises together and see what comes out

Sin= one type of a statement of God’s worth
a statement of God’s worth=Worship
Sin= one type of Worship.

And, that, my friends, is why I believe that sin and true worship of God are polar opposites. What? That’s all I’m saying? Yeah, that’s all I’m saying. But, by recognizing that sin is a negative version of worship, our motive for not sinning is changed.

If we stop sinning for our own benefit, then we have stopped sinning for the wrong reason. We should stop sinning because we really believe, in our heart of hearts, that God is worth more to us than anything else. In this way, we even say that God is the only worthwhile reason to stop sinning, which is yet another statement of worth, and is a huge aspect of worship that I missed out on for the first 20 years of my life until this past April when this whole thought hit me and changed me completely.

So, back to the Bible—where it all is firmly anchored. In Hebrews, after all the focus on “Christ is better than x,” the author immediately turns to the issue of sin and salvation in Hebrews 9-10. Biblically, then, it is obvious that after a discussion comparing Christ to other things, the next step is to examine the sin issue. Why? Because sin makes a comparison of God to other things, and that is the same thing true worship does. Why? Because they’re the same thing. That does not mean that sin is good. That has absolutely nothing to do with this issue. What this issue is about is that sin is the other side of the coin when it comes to worship.

As Kenny said, this really isn’t a new idea. However, it is a new way to talk about things. I’m not sure why Kenny thinks that’s a waste of time. Isn’t that what all theologians do? Simply take the truth within the Bible and think about it in a new, right way that revolutionizes the way we live? Augustine, Luther, Calvin, the list goes on… They were simply people who used the minds God gave them and wrestled with the implications of what the Bible says and what they knew from the world around them that God made.

Theology is only worth your time if it helps someone praise God. If it increases the worth you place in Him, it’s obviously a beneficial venture. If it helps someone else to praise Him, it can be used in discipleship. Since this is an issue that may or may not revolutionize the way you see things, I would advise that if it doesn’t help you, then try to understand where I’m coming from, and then leave it. If you understand it, and it helps you, then praise God! I have learned to communicate!

I think there will be a future writing on the theology of language, and maybe one on the theology of revelation, too.

Note: I’m sure I will continue to use the word “worship” in its traditional sense most of the time (only referring to the positive side—the praise of God for His worth), but hopefully I will always be aware of the two sides of the coin.

MySpace blog: The second attempt

Introduction: After talking with a friend, I would like to point out that this is my perspective, and that there are a number of correct perspectives (though there is only one correct Truth, to which those perspectives must be related). As I said in my theology class a couple weeks ago, "Because we are finite beings, we cannot fully grasp an infinite God," but because we are each created uniquely, we will each understand a different portion of God, and maybe by sharing our unique perspectives, we will each more fully understand our infinite God.

Let me re-phrase the issue of sin and worship in simple language. In Physics, when things slow down (decelerate), it is still called acceleration. In Economics, regardless of if you receive money (credit) or pay money (debit), you are still dealing in money.

In the economy of God's worth, whether we are adding to the worth we place in God or subtracting from it, we are still dealing with a statement of worth. Since the definition of worship is essentially "a statement of worth," then we are dealing with worship in a positive or negative sense.

Worship should not just be looked at as placing worth in something. Worship should be looked at as a statement of how much that thing is worth. Therefore, that statement can be positive or negative.

Why is worship a statement? Because we are humans. Because we are finite. We need to compare things to other things. That is part of being human. We have no way of speaking about things without using words associated with other things. Comparison is all we are capable of. Therefore, worship must be comparison. The correct way to worship is to say that God is worth more than everything. One song we sing simply says, "Your love is better than anything and everything, Jesus." The whole point of the book of Hebrews is that Jesus is better than everything. However, we often live as though other things are more important.

Really, I am getting at what the word worship means. This issue is only an issue because "worship" has lost its original English meaning and has picked up a Christianese meaning that is incomplete. Worship is a statement/proclamation of worth. By sinning, I am automatically making a statement that God is worth less than something. If I lust, then God is worth less than the feeling I get from a girl. If I covet, then God is worth less than my desire for say, a guitar. If I lie, then God is worth less than my own sense of security.

There is such a thing as right worship of God and there is such a thing as wrong worship of God.

This thought has revolutionized my life over the last 6 months. If it doesn't help you, then don't fight it, just ignore it. I'll admit, I was intentionally vague in the first blog in an attempt to stir the pot. I hope this makes more sense.

In response to Bethany's comment, I agree with the heart of what she was saying, but not necessarily the wording itself. In fact, I take back what I said about sin being good on some level (if you'll allow me to do that). I was hurriedly writing and not thinking. I'll get to that later. God created everything, so He must have created evil (He is responsible for its existence on some level). We have talked about this quite a bit in a few classes I've taken here at Simpson. However, He did not create sin. Rather, God created the possibility for sin to occur. Therefore, sin does not have to be good.

However, He uses evil/sin for His own good, somehow. Most people would say that He does not cause the evil to happen, but if God is truly sovereign, and truly omniscient, then He must be responsible for each sin (on some level).

That does not change the fact that we are fully responsible for our own sins. God can predestine everything, and we can choose everything on our own.

Yes, I know this makes no sense to our finite minds, but we do not serve a finite God. My God is infinite. My God is different than humanity.

As Karl Barth said, there is a "strange new world within the Bible," that is different than our own, logical world. When we follow the traces God has left us with the minds He gave us, we see that it makes absolutely no sense. That's what theology should do--it should cause us to embrace the otherness of God and delight in His mystery.

P.S. I'm still sick, and i hate it.

Currently listening : Parachutes By Coldplay Release date: 07 November, 2000

MySpace blog: The Hang Out Spot

I had a myspace group for my home group this past summer, and i have been unable to delete it. So, today I changed the group and deleted everyone. I renamed it "the hang out spot." It's sole purpose is just to join for no reason at all, just like hanging out is doing nothing simply because that is fun.

So, join the group!!!!
http://groups.myspace.com/toddtherhinoceros

MySpace blog: Sin as worship (this is just a re-post of the original)

I deleted the original blog accidentally, but here's the gist.

I started off with a statement regarding the controversial nature of this all.
I said that this would be a new view that would be revolutionary for some people and would be hard for others to agree with. I encouraged people to either let it help them or leave it alone.

The key phrase was "Sin is a form of worship."

The word worship comes from the Old English weorth and scipe. Weorth means "worth," and scipe means "to create." Thus, worship means "to create worth," but since one cannot create God's worth, it meant "a statement/proclamation of worth."

When we sin, we say that God is worth less to us than whatever else we have sinned through. Therefore, sin becomes a negative statement of worth. Since a statement of worth is "worship," then sin is negative worship.

That was more or less what I wrote the first time around.

Bethany made a comment about how sin could be good because God can use it. I agreed, and said "sin is good on one level." Ike called me on that, and he was right. Sin is not good on any level. Rather, God can use sin for His glory.

I have locked the comments on this and the next 2 blogs because all comments should go to the newest one.

MySpace blog: sick and tired

Current mood: sick

i'm blogging to get my mind warmed up for the paper i'm about to write.

I'm sick today, and because of that, i'm just super tired. i slept until 1 o'clock, then ate, and went to church for worship team practice. I went to Red Robin with a bunch of friends again (a bunch of you are reading this now, probably), and i tried to be alive and talk, but i didn't want to be there, and if some of you were talking to me, i'm sure there were points where i was fake-listening and just zoning out. if i said anything stupid or random, sorry. i was kind of asleep.

anyway, towards the end of dinner, i just got so dead, that i moved to the empty end of the table and enjoyed some silence. now i have to write a 5-page paper for my Old Testament Criticism class, which is not going to be fun, since it's almost 11 and i haven't even begun researching for it. i just want to go to sleep in my bed. The problem is that i still haven't made my bed since i did my laundry yesterday. I slept on my couch last night, and i think i'm going to do that again. i may skip all my classes tomorrow. we'll see.

Currently listening : Blessed Be Your Name the Songs of Matt Redman, Vol. 1 By Matt Redman Release date: 19 July, 2005

MySpace blog: Think Pink

I seem to only have my camera with me on days i wear my pink shirt. Of course, today, I was wearing my pink shirt because it was "think pink" day, which is a day when people are supposed to wear pink in support of breast cancer awareness.

Patrick and I went to Simpson, Shasta College, the Lake Starbucks, the Benton Dr/Court St. bridge and the Diestelhorf bridge, the Cascade Theater, City Hall, Amy/Nina/Kate's apartment, and Dutch Bros. to take pictures of my TV. They are going to be used for Vox Dei, which is the Stirring's month-long fast from noise of some type.

While at the fountain in front of city hall, Patrick and I decided to take some goofy pictures, so my new main picture is my "sexy myspace pose," which is probably the one thing on here I didn't have yet.

My arms hurt from lugging around my 80s tv all over the place. I took around 120 pictures, which is a lot more than my estimate of 40, which I reported to Patrick. oops. some are really cool, and some are really mediocre. some are just plain blurry or dark, but, hey, that's photography.

Today was a happy day, and I'm not super-tired, but I'm kind of a little slow still. I can't remember the last day I didn't have coffee that wasn't a sunday. I never need it on sundays because i sleep in so late on saturdays. alrighty, that's a much less cool blog than any i've written recently. sorry.

Hey, next time I'm bored, I'm going to get some friends and go to all the places Patrick and I went tonight. Kind of a cool combination. The weirdest thing about the Cascade was that Coach Carter (of the movie) was speaking there tonight, and since Simpson was sponsoring it, I saw a few of the staff members there. He is also speaking in chapel tomorrow, so that will be cool, except that I haven't seen the movie. Maybe I'll want to watch it someday after I hear him speak.

I'm changing my top 8 procedures to just putting the people on there that I communicate with a lot via myspace, because it's more convenient for me that way. The putting of people that I hung out with was fun, but too much work.

Currently listening : Unclassified By Robert Randolph & The Family Band Release date: 05 August, 2003

MySpace blog: Flocks

I wrote this on the way to Switchfoot, while wrestling my thoughts and a headache, and looking out the backseat window in Rachael's car at a flock of birds flying through the hazy sky of an afternoon during rice harvesting season in the Central Valley.

Flocks

A flock of birds,
A flock of thoughts

One thought turns
Another follows

The beating wings fluttering
Against the walls of the mind.

Harder and harder the wings pound.
Confusion.
Chaos abounds.

The flock is united.
One thought moves another.
Each one knows its place.
Each one guides the next.
Order.

But the flapping continues,
The beating abounds.

I'm pretty confused today, and I thought that re-reading what I wrote yesterday would help, but it didn't. I wrote some other poems yesterday, which i hadn't ever done, but most of them are just for me, so you won't be seeing them.

Currently Listening to Le Bleu by Justin King. They don't have his stuff on here because he just got signed, but he is going to be famous one day. He's an acoustic guitar maestro, and is a great singer/songwriter too. Check out justinking.com. I'm listening to some instrumental guitar stuff, which is great for my confused mood and the overcast day that i am loving.

**3:45 PM edit**
Thanks to blogging, journaling, and talking to my dad, I am less confused. I realize that I'm super emotional because I don't sleep enough. I'm still a little confused, and gloomy.

On a lighter note, I just threw up in my mouth! Yay!

MySpace blog: Switchfoot show

I went to see switchfoot today in sacramento. Rachael, Meghan, Levi, Erika, and Becca went too. I liked it. Eisley was good too, but I was surprised that they were all such shy people. I hadn't heard much of Reeve Oliver, but they sounded good, and the one song I had heard sounded really good. Now, I am soooo tired, so goodnight.

MySpace blog: shameless advertising for other peoples' blogs

Go and read Bethany's blog. It's quite good. I think it is probably mostly for single people.

also, if you want to hear some good thoughts, check out the blogs of the other people in "people who write good," the blog group i started a few months ago.

Currently listening : Pretend You're Alive By Lovedrug Release date: 27 July, 2004

MySpace blog: um...wow! I feel honored

I do not say this because I want to brag: God has shown me that I am a person of influence this week. That was the main lesson I learned from so many things this week. It was one of the main things I got out of one of the bad situations I went through earlier this week.
The biggest place of influence for me is myspace. I think my writing may impact more people than my worship leading. Remember how last sunday I was excited about having 7000 blog views total? I have 1018 for the week right now. That puts me at 7995.

I am learning that because I have influence, I must not abuse it, but challenge myself to exhort others.

So, this is for everyone reading and not for my own good.

Thanks a lot to all of you for listening to all I have to say. I can't believe I have started blogging everyday again, and I think I will cut back, but I usually don't whenever I say that.

_________________________________

Today, I went to Quizno's with Patrick for lunch, then to the soccer game, then to Shelby's birthday (which was probably the most fun part of the day), then we had "man night" at Paul's, which was just a bunch of guys talking about life and God (it was probably the most encouraging part of the day).

Currently listening : Plans By Death Cab for Cutie Release date: 30 August, 2005

MySpace blog: The tortoise and the urinal

alright, enough deep and semi-deep things for the week.

This is the return to the short stories of awkwardness that I so enjoy telling.

So far, this incident has been my biggest frustration with anyone in the Spiritual Formation department this year:

Yesterday, I played guitar in chapel for the first time ever. Nate led worship, because it is Celebration Weekend (when the alumni all come to visit). He asked me to play because he forgot that I hadn't yet graduated, so I was on stage with a bunch of people Nate has played with over the years.

The day before, I introduced myself to Dan Foster, the Campus Worship pastor the last 3 years, who looks very turtle-like, in my opinion. Dan probably didn't remember my name while I played yesterday morning, but he surely recognized me and knew I was a student here.

As I exited my Intro to the Alliance Class and walked across the hallway to the restroom yesterday afternoon, I was looking at some art in the hallway. I went around the corner, and right as I did, I noticed Dan looking at me. I figured he might come say hi, so I waited in the hallway for a sec, and put my papers in my messenger bag. He didn't come, so I figured he would be waiting outside when I came out. I entered the restroom.

Girls, you may want to stop reading here, but you'll miss a really funny story.

I was relieving myself as usual in the urinal, when I heard the door open. I heard a voice saying, "I normally wouldn't..." and I turned my gaze to face the voice.

I saw a half-man, half-turtle and thought "Oh! It's the ninja turtles!" Not really. I actually saw Dan Foster.

Dan the turtle man proceeded, "I normally wouldn't follow you into the restroom, but I just wanted to say you did an excellent job in chapel today."

Now, for you girls who are still reading, let me key you into some rules of urinal conduct:
1. Never look down. Guys don't look at their urine hitting the urinal wall and splashing all over their legs (urinals are ridiculous inventions that inevitably get little, tiny, microscopic drops all over your pants, and sometimes you can feel that if you're wearing shorts).
2. Never look to the side. You might see something that makes you unable to continue your "relief efforts," and that could seriously damage your urinary tract.
3. Look straight forward, at the wall only. Only talk to people you know who are in the adjacent stall, but do not make eye contact.

So, I was torn between following the rules of urinal, and following the common conduct rules of society (etiquette), which dictated that I face Dan while he talked. Of course, Dan violated etiquette by talking to me whilst I peed. He just stood in the doorway, which was not only to the side, but slightly behind me, so it was a stretch to even bend my neck far enough in order to see him without turning my body.

I didn't really respond significantly to anything he said. I just said, "Thanks." and "It was fun." All in all, it was 30 seconds of awkwardness that became the second-weirdest peeing experience of my life. The worst was during a basketball game my freshman year, when I was going to the bathroom, and another guy came up to me and grabbed my butt for 5 seconds. I tried to move around to get his hand off as I yelled and squirmed. All I proceeded to do was pee on my foot.

I'm pretty sure there is a spiritual application to my story from yesterday. In the Torah, God told the Israelites that if they needed to "drop the deuce," that they were to go into the desert and dig a hole, then bury it. It says something about the Lord God walking about the camp. In other words, even God doesn't want to see you going to the bathroom or the remnants of that event. Since He thinks that the excretion of waste is an event too personal for community, I think I am right in saying that Dan's discussion with me was not just odd, but un-godly.

Don't take that last paragraph too seriously.

Currently listening : House of Heroes By House of Heroes Release date: 26 April, 2005

MySpace blog: The intertwining wakes of God

I was just sitting out at my favorite place at Simpson for the first time this school year. It had been too hot to sit out by the pond earlier in the year, and I have found myself busy the last few friday afternoons. Please, DO NOT go to the pond on a Friday afternoon. That is my spot and time!

There are some new ducks, with whom I have not yet become acquainted. There are around 8 mallards (male and female), and the mallards who had been here are all gone. I know that is the case because they all look young. The white ducks' babies (the yellow ducklings) apparently all died, because only the 3 white ducks remain (one of the other white ducks died over the summer).

I used to hate the white ducks because they picked on the mallards, since they were bigger, but now they seem to be a big, happy family (I'm not sure if they would fly as one flock, but they all sleep and swim together). So, the white ducks have shown themselves nicer than I first thought.

I love the ducks. I don't think I could ever shoot one, but I play duck hunt sometimes on the NES in my room. I used to write about ducks a lot. For you newer readers, here are some old entries. The first one is my first serious blog, and the second is the story of romance. It may be the most romantic thing I've written about on myspace, unless you think the kissing one is romantic.

While at the pond today, I was watching the ducks swim, and reflecting on their wake. It reminded me of an observation I made regarding wakes while kayaking last weekend. The place at which the wakes cross is the location of the highest wave.

"Big deal," you're thinking. "We all know that." There is even a scientific term for it that I learned in High School (Oceanography class), but I forget it. So, it's not an uncommon observation.

But, being in a theological mood (I was reading a theological article called "God as the Center of Worship" that I had for my theology class), I began to realize that our idea of Christianity as a dialectic faith is very well expressed through the visual of crossing wakes. Let "wake" represent Truth: If the oneness of God is represented by one wake and His Trinitarian nature represented by the other, the full truth (the full height of the wave) is only realized when both poles are firmly held to. Each wake (doctrine) is true in itself, but there are still missing elements (missing height in the wave) without the other truth.

Due to my friends and my theology class, I have been reflecting on dialectics often recently. Faith-Works, One God in Three Persons, Christ as 100% man and 100% God, Election and Free Will, Calvin's Election vs. Barth's Election, Classical Theism vs. Open Theism.

All these dialectics make me miss the ocean and its many waves. I would like to go boogie boarding, but I've only done that in Hawaii (and often there).

Sitting by the pond inspired me. I wished I had my journal, because then I might have ended up writing some poetry or some creative thing like I did so often last spring. Sometimes it's nice just to think about things and not write them down, though.
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You know you blog too much when....

I write so much that last night, as I was falling asleep while writing a paper, I kept typing. I woke up and read a sentence that had something about the dream I had started having. Something about "liettle kids" shopping for toys in Wal-Mart. The whole sentence was grammatically correct, with proper punctuation; the only problem was the word "liettle."

I'm not going to stop blogging though. I have an exciting life and I don't want to keep it to myself. And if you need something to read, I want you to have something to read. aww....Now everyone's probably going to comment on my blogging and not on the theology thing.

Currently listening : Promises for the Imperfect By Number One Gun Release date: 19 July, 2005

MySpace blog: Towards a Theology of Kissing

I have a lot of papers to write this semester, and I have one to write tonight, but this is a theological paper I'm writing for fun. Right now.

These thoughts have floated in my head for about 6 months, and for whatever reason, they came up last night when I was on the phone with my dad. He's the first person to hear them, and I definitely haven't researched this much, but here goes. This is called Towards a theology of kissing because I haven't done the research for it yet. This is just a synthesis of stuff I've learned in my many Bible classes and my own thoughts.

I think I want to save my first kiss for the girl I marry. Yeah, i'm "VL" (virgin lips). Why?

Kissing in the Ancient Near Eastern world was a sign of submission. In the Old Testament and in extrabiblical sources, we see people kiss someone who is greater than them. When someone came into a king's presence, he may have kissed the king's feet to show complete submission.

In the New Testament, Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss because he was mocking submission.

Why does the cultural value of kissing in the Ancient Near East matter? because as Christians, we see that God chose to reveal Himself in that culture for a purpose. We also believe that the beginnings of civilization were in that culture. Therefore, there is significance to their practices.

Here are the implications, as I see them:

Kissing someone on the lips is a sign of mutual submission to one another. That sure seems reminiscent of Ephesians 5 and its command to submit to one another...

I think it's wise to only submit to one person in that way during your entire life (unless you are widowed).

The second implication regards the meaning of "greet one another with a holy kiss." We usually interpret this to mean that in the church, we should show a culturally relevant sign of affection, emphasizing our relationship as a family. However, if we see a kiss as a sign of submission, we can add that understanding to the family concept. Paul exhorts us to be submitted to one another in the church.

Submission to one another in the church is not the same as submission to one another in a romantic sense, because I think the kiss on the lips symbolizes that one person's submission is inseparably linked to the other's.

So, I think I probably won't kiss anyone until I decide I've found the girl I'm going to marry. Besides the submission thing, I just think it's more romantic to save that for my wife. I'm not totally sure about this idea, and there is no Biblical command not to kiss people, so I'm not saying my idea is for everyone.

I remember hearing a verse about a woman being blessed for loving her husband all the days of her life. That means before she meets him, too. I think the principle applies for guys too. Since love is unconditional, I do think it is important to only say "I love you" when you've found the right person.

These thoughts go through my head daily, and the only reason I'm sharing them now is because I bounced them off my dad last night.

Someone try to prove me wrong. I dare you.

I guess if you're a girl who likes me, you could try kissing me to force me to marry you. If you did, I'd probably spit on you.

Currently listening : Room Noises By Eisley Release date: 08 February, 2005

MySpace blog: life in the light of true despair

Current mood: sleepy

It seems like everything is on the mend (or mended). Thanks for putting up with me. That's both for the people I offended and to everyone who subjected themselves to emotional josh, which comes around every 3 years or so (like a comet). Actually, I'm very emotional, but not very expressive. For instance, I cry on average probably every other day--well, not really cry. I don't have tears on my face, but I get teary-eyed. It usually happens while reading some horrible piece of news on the internet or while thinking about a sad situation that is distant from me. Or it happens while watching a movie or reading a book.

Monday night, I saw a picture of a Pakistani woman who's life had been so dramatically altered by the earthquake over there. the look on her face showed complete shock and despair. Her bloodshot, glassy eyes revealed her torn soul. I cried when I saw it. The only thing that kept the tears from streaming down my face was that it was 3 AM and I had had my contacts in for far too long, so their dryness sucked up the tears.

I realize that I probably blew the situations I was dealing with out of proportion in my own mind. But they were still serious, and I'm glad I dealt with them before they got worse or allowed bigger issues to seem insignificant. Tonight at the Emerging Leader Incubator, we talked about how ministry exposes the flaws inside of us. Bill Randall used the analogy of a sinkhole forming beneath a road. While a road can be new and clean and have tons of traffic, the ground below can have a growing hole in it that eventually causes the road to sink into it, revealing the true state of the earth. Likewise, while people can look like they have it all together, being influential in peoples' lives through ministry (in my case that means having a well-read blog) will put you up on a pedestal so that when you hit a pothole, everyone knows, and I'm OK with that.

I found it ironic that I mentioned potholes in my last blog. Sure, this issue wasn't that big, but it was still an issue. Nonetheless, I am so thankful that I have a roof over my head and that my family is all safe and sound (besides my grandparents on my dad's side, whom I found out are both in wheelchairs right now). The sum of natural disasters in the last 10 months has shown me that I should be thankful for each day. I guess that what I said last night is that I should be thankful for people, and today I'm saying I should be thankful for each opportunity to do anything.

Right now, I'm am more tired than I've been in a very long time.
Right now I'm blogging a lot again (like I did at the beginning of the summer)

MySpace blog: You mean so much to me!

After I wrote my last blog a bunch of people sounded really concerned for me. I think that my way with words made me look a lot more down on myself than I was. I really don't want to write another blog right now, but I need to so that you all know that I am not suicidal or even really depressed.

I was down, but talking through some of the situations with some respectable people (friends and my mom) helped me out a lot. I messaged the people whom I may have hurt or offended, because I had a lot to do tonight (which meant I couldn't talk through it). I also went back and read all my old blogs (from February through May), and that showed me a lot about how I came to be who I am. God changed me a lot in one month (April), and if you want to know about that, go read them. It's very interesting to see God change a shy kid into me. The blogs weren't as long back then, so it didn't take too long to read them either.

My sister posted a blog tonight with a quote of mine. "maybe if we stop taking people for granted, but realize that each person is a gift from God, we will learn how to LOVE. that's why we're here."

I don't even know when I said that (i know it was in April sometime), but I was totally living it until the last couple of weeks. When I read that, God slapped me upside the head and reminded me that while I do treasure each and every person God has put in my life, I don't let them know that very well. So let it be known: I value you!

Even if you're reading my blog and I don't know you, I've said it before, and I'll say it again: the fact that God is honoring me by giving me the chance to be an influence on your life is reason enough for me to treasure you. If you're my friend, I have even more reason.

Be loved.

(I really need to learn to hug people, because I think that's what a hug says, unless you're in junior high. Then it says, "you're hot.")

MySpace blog: on the doubting of the self or "the day my world crashed down into pieces, sinking in the mire"

Current mood: melancholy

this blog is neither well-organized nor thought out. my head is swirling with emotion and feelings, and bethany just told me at lunch, "you look like you're dying." here's why

i feel like a couple of bucks right now (not a million bucks).

i feel like i am a crappy friend.

this is the kind of thing i usually would put in my journal just for me, but i think it's something that other people need to hear. i don't think i've ever really been vulnerable on myspace, because i haven't had much to be vulnerable about, but here it is.

nate preached on going through hard times last night, and i've realized that my life has been pretty much perfect for the last year and a half. today my little perfect life is not feeling so lovely.
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when i was younger,
i was the kid who got pushed around
the quiet kid who never spoke in class, even when i had good things to say
i was the kid who had 3 or 4 female friends and definitely never asked anyone out or went to a school dance
i was the shy kid
i was the kid who preferred having a few close friends to having a ton of friends

the last year has been the end of that kid (mostly)
now i'm the guy with 7000 blog views and 150 friends on myspace who are mostly real friends
i'm the guy who went to red robin last night with around 20 people that i knew
i'm the guy who leads worship at a really cool church
i'm the guy that everyone likes to be around
i'm the guy who always has the right answer in class
i'm the guy who is moving up in the world
i'm the guy who people message on myspace and say that they really respect/want to be like even when they don't know me
(i don't really feel all these ways, but i think that's how i'm perceived)
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i know who i am in christ.

i am bewildered-- beyond confusion.

the last week or so, i've had things come back around to me through others. like if i say something or do something or don't do something, i hurt someone (girls, mostly), who tell a guy friend, who tells me. i don't feel really to blame for some of the things, so i wait for them to confront me, but when they don't, it still affects me and makes me sad. i try to ignore the situations by being goofy or eating (which is an OK thing for me to do) or watching TV or being around people so i don't have to think about it. or i go on myspace instead of contemplating the situations.

since i was the shy kid, i never had to deal with certain issues. all of this was really brought to my attention by kevin's blog on the weekend that totally made me look like a ladies' man because of the way he worded it. there's no way i would have seen that one coming. i wouldn't even believe that i'd go camping with 4 of the most amazing, godly people i've known.

i guess i know who i am in christ, and that gives me a lot of confidence. i don't feel overconfident, but sometimes i do stupid things just because i'm not embarrassed to do them. sometimes i goof around too much and sometimes i stop hanging out with people because i'm really busy with all i'm doing in my newfound confidence. (i hope that those of you whom i have treated poorly are reading this).

since it's mostly girls that i've hurt, i am really just reminded of my insecurities there. the only girl i'd ever considered a real friend was my sister, until the last year. i know it's a cliche to say that girls confuse guys. trite but true. not just in a romantic setting, but generally, you're all really confusing to me.

i'm not one who is known to be affectionate. a big part of my closeness to my sister is that i made a vow in 10th grade not to be like so many of my guy friends who always were hitting on her. so i don't tell the girls around me how much they mean to me. i never initiate a hug because i don't want them to feel uncomfortable. i know i'm still thinking like the shy kid in this area.

so please understand that i don't have it all together, even if it looks like it. last night, a childhood friend asked me how i was doing on myspace, and i wrote:
life is sooooo good right now. There is a lot going on, and I'm just so excited about what's next for me. how are you?

at the time it felt true. and that was at around 1 AM. i think that i was just not thinking about all the crap. now i'm probably dwelling on it too long, so i'll just leave it at this:

life is a journey. sometimes, we can be coasting along excited about the next day, and hit a pothole. instead of ignoring it, take time to work through the situation. meet God there. let yourself be desperate for Him.

Currently listening : Tchaikovsky: The Nutcracker (ballet suite)/Swan Lake (excerpts)/Sleeping Beauty Waltz/ Bernstein, NY Philharmonic By Pyotr Il'yich Tchaikovsky Release date: 24 November, 1998

MySpace blog: The very best of Blog

I just wanted to post this picture of the watefall from last weekend, because it's so cool. I just made it. The only reason I put the people in there is so you can see just how tall the waterfall is. This is the second fall from the top, and is the biggest one of the bunch.



unfortunately, it can't be any bigger in size because the fact that 7 pictures make up the animation means that a lot of space is being used up.

Currently listening : Pretend You're Alive By Lovedrug Release date: 27 July, 2004

MySpace blog: blog (self-titled)

la dee da. I went camping this weekend with some really amazing people. Thursday night, Kevin, Janay, Shelby, Bethany C., and I headed up to Antlers Campground (I think there might be another word somewhere in the name of the campground). Bekah joined us later, and then Paul came even later. I think the best part of the night was talking about predestination with Shelby in my truck on the way up. I know. We're nerds? Or theologians? I'm sure that sounds like a strange way to pass the time while on a drive, but it was a lot of fun. I had some good God-time looking at the stars.

Friday, Bethany and Bekah went home. The rest of us went kayaking and hung out at the lake. Kayaking was really peaceful, and I loved it. I saved a fish's life; it was choking on another fish. Shelby found a wallet, and then I took it home and found the guy on myspace. He lost his wallet 2 years ago! Paul went fishing. The girls and I went four-wheelin' in my truck. Except we were in 2 wheel drive the whole time. You could say we went muddin', but the ground was dry, so it was just dust. It's weird that you can't really end those words with an -ing ending.

I found some trees that had fallen over, and Paul went and chopped them up into firewood. He felt very manly about that.

That night, Kevin, Shelby, and I sat around the campfire and discussed predestination and such some more. There were animals walking around the forest, and Paul and Janay saw a skunk, so we all sat really close together with hatchets to defend ourselves. Fun times.

Saturday morning, we woke up and everyone played a little guitar (except for Kevin). The girls are actually better than most people who don't know very much about guitar (as far as ability to remember chords and switch between them). I ended up showing Paul a bunch of stuff on guitar. We also threw one of the hatchets at a tree. I got it to stick in the tree twice in 6 tries. One other time, it got stuck for a second, then fell out. I think I had the best average, and I'm very proud of my battle axe skills.

We came back to Redding around 3 o'clock (I think), but the weekend was not over for the 5 of us. We went to Olive Garden for dinner, where Paul got us all his employee discount on the already cheap bottomless pasta bowl. Then we went to Paul's for awhile and drove around in his Acura and bumped to Jay-Z (because Paul has a really cool stereo and he's selling the car). Then we went and saw "Just Like Heaven," which wasn't my choice, but I really enjoyed it. It was funny, and I always get a little misty-eyed at chick flicks and other stuff that's not super manly. That's OK, because I went camping this weekend!

The stirring was fun tonight. It was one of the best messages I've ever heard. Nate just said stuff that I'm sure challenged some people, but it was so firmly rooted in the Bible. I'm not going to do the set list thing anymore because someone said it was stupid. 20ish people went to Red Robin for awhile, and as soon as I got back, I wrote this blog.

I currently have 6982 blog views, so here's to 7000!
I still haven't had any alcohol since I turned 21.

Currently listening : Lifehouse By Lifehouse Release date: 22 March, 2005

MySpace blog: BOTC

I've decided to go with "Blogging on the Clock" again, because it's more mature than the other name we were using for it. Anyway, I'm blogging on the clock, just sitting here at the front desk, answering the phones. A guy with some crazy eyebrows walked past. The best part about doing this during the school year is that I'm sitting at the front of one of the major buildings on campus, and everyone and their mother goes through here, so I get to see all sorts of people. Also, I'm up here at around 11 AM every Tuesday and Thursday covering the morning receptionist's break, so I see everyone on their way to class at 11:20. I see a bunch of commuter students walking out of the parking lot every day, too.

Anyway, if you go to Simpson and you're bored on a Tuesday or Thursday morning, you can try harassing me at the front desk at 11. You can come and be like everyone else who calls me the "male receptionist," even though it's a really easy job, and it's not even technically my job (I just do it every day).

I'm really tired. I stayed up late last night grading papers (one of my profs. is paying me to grade them), and I am going to skip one of my classes today since that prof is gone and I need to get the papers done today (since I'm getting paid really well for it).

I am really looking forward to this weekend (a 4-day weekend, celebrating the forcible Christianization of the Americas and the rape of the native cultres by Cristobal Colombo), because I'm going to have a ton of time to rest. I'm going camping with some friends, and that makes it even better.

Columbus is not on my heroes list.

I feel bad writing inconsequential blogs when 95 people read my blog yesterday. I think that's because Steve mentioned it at the Stirring. So sorry to you all. Leave me some comments por favor.

MySpace blog: The Top 8!

So...the other day Shelby or Ashley (they just got on myspace) was asking me about changing the first 8 people who show up on your friends' list. I told them it was possible, but it took a lot of coding. Then, today, I saw that it doesn't take any work anymore!

So, why are those 8 people on my "top 8?" Because I spent almost every waking moment with the first 6 this weekend. The other 2 are a couple of my closest friends that I didn't spend as much time with this weekend, but I usually do. So, if you're not on there, I don't like you. Just kidding.

I know you all want to know what I did this weekend that was so cool (sure you do). Saturday, a few of us went up to the waterfall. It was supposed to rain, but it didn't. Shelby, Ashley, Jackson, and I went up at 2:45ish. They have done a lot of work on the trail, and it is supposedly still closed until Fall 2006, but the big sign said “open October 2005,” and we went on October 1. They had put in railings along the falls up to the 3^rd fall, so that was nice. We climbed over the railings and we went all the way to the top of the 4th waterfall, which is definitely the biggest. This is the top of the fourth waterfall:


Then, we kept going up the creek to the fifth fall, which I hadn't seen before (the only person I've gone with who had seen it was Josiah). It was bigger than it looks here, but not that big.


We kept going up the creek and turned around at this spot. We look like we're in some sort of family picture. Maybe like we're cousins or adopted. But we're not. Oh, that would be me, Ashley, Shelby, and Jackson (in that order).

We came back down and hiked about 1/3 of the way back to the car, when we finally saw Kevin, Paul, and Janay coming up, so we went back up with them. Here’s the other 3 of them plus Jackson and me. The girls took turns sitting with all the guys. Of course, I look the most like a girl as far as how I’m sitting. Ridiculous. Maybe I should posture myself in more manly ways, especially when being all manly and hiking. Whatever. I just didn’t want to get Kevin sweat all over me.

(Me, Kevin, Jackson, Janay, Paul)

We got back to the cars at 7:10, which was nice, since the sun went down at 6:50, and drove over to Burrito Bandito. Then, we went to the new Starbucks and over to Paul’s house to work on the video that we shot last Wednesday for the Student Chaplains. The girls and Jackson left Paul’s at 1:30ish (AM), and Kevin and I stayed there until 2:30.

Then, yesterday, I hung out with a few of the same people and a few other ones after the Stirring, which was alright (When we were at Starbucks, it was fun, but the Stirring was so-so for me). I didn’t really feel like being there, and I wasn’t leading worship, so it worked out pretty well. Sometimes I won't feel like leading, but I am, and other times I won't be leading, but I'll really want to. Yesterday was the first time that I didn't really feel like it, and I wasn't leading.

I led a few songs, though, and that was fun. No one wants to sing my song, which is lame. Everyone thinks it’s a great song, just no one wants to try learning it I think. Oh well. It’s so stinking catchy I always get it stuck in my head, which makes me feel like I’m cocky or something.

Currently listening : X&Y By Coldplay Release date: 07 June, 2005

MySpace blog: I have a lot to blog about, but I have no time

For those of you who have read my blogs since July, you may remember that I was doing a little thing about how many days it has been since I turned 21.

It has now been 70 days and I have not had any alcohol, still.

Steve preached tonight and told everyone to go read my blogs. So, if you're from the Stirring, sorry. I'm sorry that my blogs have accumulated such a reputation, and I'm sorry that this one is not at all like the other ones I've made. It's just that right now I'm super tired. It's been an awesome weekend though. I hung out with the same people for a really long period of time, and usually if you do that, you get sick of the people, but it has just made me want to spend more time with all of them, even though I'm dead tired.

The end.

I'm going to sleep.