Soda Pop

I just found out that Julie calls it "pop," because they call it that in Utah. So weird that I didn't know that for 8 1/2 months of dating.

Processing discouragement

Last week, I was feeling really discouraged, as I mentioned before. I realized the essence of my discouragement a few days before we left. I know what God has given to me as my calling. I think people think, "Oh, that guy is called to ministry." But that's not the whole truth. We're all called to ministry, of course.

But for me, I'm not just called to ministry, I have been given a zeal, passion and desire for a certain message, and for a certain method.

What frustrates me is when people disagree with that, even though I've been placed in leadership. I know what God is showing me to do, and it pisses me off when people don't embrace change. Now, there is great value in tradition, but doing things just because they make you happy is a terrible reason.

Do something intentional for the Kingdom of God, and instead of finding happiness, you will find joy. So, you should totally do things you enjoy, but if you don't try new stuff, how are you going to know that you're currently doing the thing that is the most joyful?

So anyway, I think I've been discouraged because I want to do new things, and it's hard to get people to join me in those things sometimes. It makes me want to be a part of something like the Stirring again, where it's more accepted to change.

However, I know that God wants me in a multi-generational church, because He has really convicted me of the fact that the church is meant to be eclectic, and that means diverse in as many senses possible--age, race, sex, background, hobby, job...

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I believe that biblical leadership is quite simple.

1. Know your vision
2. Communicate your vision: This means telling people what you're about. If they like it, they will follow you, if not, then tell them to follow someone else. It is so obvious that Jesus told more people to leave Him than to follow Him. That is what He says after He tells the parable of the sower (He says He did it to confuse the people).
3. Expect some people to leave: Not everyone is meant to follow you
4. Expect some people to stay with you: The people that stay will be effective partners, and not just lukewarm followers, but passionate disciples.
5. Expect more people to join you as they see the excitement in the lives of their friends.

So, I believe in that, but if it feels like no one wants to stay with you, it gets really discouraging. And that is why I was so down for a two week period.

I really look up to Francis Chan. He has a reputation for telling the truth so honestly that people leave. I love it.

But I was feeling really discouraged a few days ago, because I want to do things biblically, and like the men I look up to.

Speak truth. Kick people's butts if need be.

When you kick someone's butt, one of two things happens. Either, they start moving, or they get angry and leave. That's what you have to do though, to get lazy people (which I am one of) to start moving.

Let's run this race.

Recent Reading

Lately I've been reading The Chronicles of Narnia. For a little bit I was reading one a day. I haven't read them since I was around 12 years old, I'd guess. Of course it's easy to pick out the Christian allegories, but there are some great quotes I've found recently about little nuances of our relationship with God that C.S. Lewis worked in there. I've been writing them all in my journal, so that I can see them someday and use them as analogies. Maybe I will put them in a blog in the next weeks.

It's good to read the book right before the movie comes out, too. I bought the copy that I'm reading out of right after the first movie came out, since they were selling the whole set in one volume for $12 or something like that at Costco.

It's also fun to be reading fiction for the first time in a long time.

But none of that is as fun as the fact that I will be seeing Julie in 16 1/2 hours! I keep on writing exact countdown amounts. Sorry for everyone else. I'm just really excited.

Other random things:

1. Check out Jon Foreman's EPs if you haven't yet. I just listened to the Spring one. It's amazing.

2. I am going camping in Big Sur next week.

3. I am going to be in Redding on Saturday, but only for a few hours. And I probably won't get to see very many people. I'll be back in June.

4. I am supposed to have a video done for Camp South Africa by Sunday. I haven't started. I am leaving for Sacramento tomorrow around noon, and not coming home until Saturday night. So I need to whip something together. I have right now and Sat. night to do it.

5. I am a hockey fan. And I am a San Jose Sharks fan. And the Sharks won their playoff series. And I am happy abooot that, eh.

Earth Day

Today Chris and I took a bunch of recycling to the recycling center. We did it 100% just because it's Earth Day, and we at Mark West Neighborhood Church are an eco-friendly organization.

Actually, we just did it because we had time to take all the cans/bottles we're collecting to the redemption center. We're asking people in the church to bring their recyclables to church so we can raise money to help students go to camp and missions trips this summer.

My feet are covered in sugar-stickiness.

Also, it is raining today, which is great. I don't think I've gotten a Peet's coffee since last fall, and it's my favorite coffee company. So today, I went and got one in honor of the last rainy day of the year (most likely). It's supposed to rain tomorrow, but I will be in Sacramento. Julie will be there too (in 25 3/4 hours!). I am really excited about that. Probably more excited than I've been about anything in my entire life.


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My dad and I were discussing whether or not environmental care should be a doctrine or just something that local churches do. I think it's a big deal and is a core part of what we believe as Christians--stewardship of all things, including the Earth. He thinks it's something that is important but is not something that should be made into resolutions, but just be something we do.

What do you think?

Is the Pope Like Batman?

I was reading this article, and it said, "On his arrival, the Pontiff circled the packed stadium in his popemobile."

Wow, that's cool. I wish I had a popemobile

I still haven't found what I'm looking for

This week has sucked. Plain and simple.

It began with a criticism I wasn't expecting, continued with allergies all week, and ended with a day of many minor car troubles.

You know how sometimes you receive advice from someone who you didn't ask? That's always lame, especially when it comes from someone you don't know very well. Sometimes, depending on the situation, you can ignore their statements, but other times, you have to think about the way you've been operating, and evaluate if it's good or bad. And then, if you find out you still firmly believe in what you're doing, you have to find a way to communicate that without seeming proud and stubborn. I've been trying to figure out how to do just that in this particular situation, and it's been bugging me all week.

Another thing that was unexpected was allergies. I usually don't have allergies, but all week, my throat has been scratchy, and I've gotten a cough and stuffy sinus in the last couple days.

Then, today, I went to get my car smogged. I was feeling good because I remembered to do it. Then I found out the smog place I was going to was closed already (it was 3 PM). So I went to get my oil changed, which was overdue. That was going to cost a little bit of money, but thankfully, I pretty much got out of debt yesterday (which hadn't been true for about 6 months).

At the oil change place, one of the guys noticed I had a screw in my tire. I've been needing to change my tires for awhile, but I can get a few more miles out of them, so I was going to wait until late this summer. I was really bummed out about the screw. Then, I noticed I have a crack in my windshield. It's only about 1/4 inch long, but you know how windshield cracks go.

So, then after spending a bunch of money at the oil place (which costs more than I had remembered), I went to Les Schwab to get my tire fixed. One bright spot is that they fixed my tire, even though they were about to close, and it was free.

That wasn't the end of my day, but that's enough for public knowledge.

I wish there were 12 easy steps to stress free living. But there aren't.

I don't believe in a Bible that is an owner's manual. If I hear people say that I just want to scream. How self-centered!

I do think there are some things I can do to be less stressed. Keep praying. Read the Bible more. Get more sleep. Fast.

But I also agree with Bono. "I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" is about the fact that when we come to faith in Jesus, we don't have perfect little lives with bows on top that are painless.

Life still is hard. It's just that we now have Jesus. We still have questions. In fact, we have more questions than before.

I do think that I so easily neglect the gracelets in my life when the little bad things pile up. I should look at things with new eyes and see what good things are allowed in my life. But at the same time, I highly value authenticity, and I am going to be straight-forward about things that aren't so great.

I've been really moody. One moment I am excited about the fact that Julie is moving back to California next week, and then something crappy will happen, and I get down again.

I am so discouraged right now that I am constantly questioning if I really want to go into ministry. I've been working at church for just 3 1/2 months, and in the time I've been there, I've faced numerous challenges much bigger than I expected. I feel like I'm on the edge of burn-out.

I will not/cannot let my own personal relationship with Jesus be put at risk because I am burned out in ministry. But if I'm thinking about that already, then why am I pursuing licensing to be a pastor? And why did all this crap escalate once I started that process?

I think you can look at it 2 ways:

1. This is a series of temptations to quit. I am being attacked by Satan.
2. God is testing me. He is making sure that I am true to Him. He is preparing me for either
a. dealing with worse tests down the road (which I hope is not the case, but it probably is), or
b. a life with few conflicts, so I need to go through crap now so that later I have experiences to talk about and relate with normal people.

I really need encouragement right now in the things that I feel called to. I'm not going to say what those are. I don't want to manufacture sympathy or pity. I just wish the people of God actually showed love to each other. And right now, I need some to show it to me.

Of course my family and Julie does, but I expect that.

In 2006, I was on Conquest, the missions team leader training for Simpson, and Nathan Edwardson wrote me a note that said he saw me going into a season where I would have to be like David, and "encourage myself in the Lord." I think I'm there right now.

But where is Jonathan?

I'm ready for that other part of the story where David and Jonathan encouraged one another in the Lord.

I've heard a few encouraging words lately, and I've taken them to heart, but I am going through such a hard time right now that I need even more. And prayer is always great, too. I don't know when people are praying, but I'll feel it, and I'll look back on this time (now that it's written about) and I'll be thankful.

Axlord

I just was posting a comment on a friend's blog, and I had to put in the letters in order to post. You know, that "CAPTCHA" system? This time the letters read: axlord.

I thought of some great warrior. "Axlord the mighty." I love random things coming together to make sense, even if it's just so I can post a comment.

Absolutes and Relativism--the second level of understanding

A few weeks ago, I wrote about how we have 2 levels of understanding. First we understand concepts or ideas that are true. Next, we see that 2 seemingly separate ideas are intimately tied together, which I called the second level of understanding.

At this point, we see that these 2 ideas are at odds, but rely on each other to be true. Within Christianity, we see such paradoxes as Faith & Works, Grace & Justice, and Love & Wrath.

Over the last 2 days, I have become aware of another paradox. Most people used to believe in absolutes. Now, people usually believe in relativism, where everything is true, depending on whose opinion it is. Personally, I believe in a system that is most like Einstein's theory of relativity. In this system, everything is true, but ultimately must be compared with the opinion of Him who bears the most weight--God. That opinion is absolute, and all other things may or may not be true when compared to His opinion, which is fact.

What I have come to realize yesterday and today, is that, as Christians, our own opinions are both relative and absolute. If God (who is absolute) lives within and through us, then what we say bears some absolute authority. However, as finite humans, our own statements are also relative. That means what we say is in paradox.

Everything we say is in paradox. Conversations, letters, e-mails, blog entries, text messages.

Every word you speak is relative and true only in your opinion, but also spoken by one who has the authority of God in your life. I am realizing that is why there are so many references in the New Testament about taming the tongue.

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When it comes to blogging, I prefer to write in such a way as to get my thoughts out unfiltered. The point is to bear witness to what is going on in my head in a given moment. Yeah, that means I sometimes say stupid things that are immortalized online. You might wonder why I don't erase them, if I really believe in taming my tongue.

I don't erase because what I said was what I was thinking. Authenticity is one of the most highly valued things in our world today, especially among our generation. That means that I need to show my own faults and make it known to the entire world that "I AM HUMAN!"

Also, leaving mistakes in my blogs shows progress. Progression of thought, progression of grammar and syntax, progression of life.

Lastly, if anyone were to copy my blog and keep a record of what I originally wrote, and then I edited it to make it more pleasing and less controversial, I would not have much integrity, would I? Rather than attempting to undo what has already been done, I want everyone who reads what I write or hears what I say to know that while I am speaking with authority, I am also speaking relative truth. The stuff I say is in one sense only my own thoughts, and if you disagree with what I think, that is fine. And, if you are offended by anything I write, then I apologize for it.

My goal is to be a lifelong learner. As such, it is important for everyone who is involved in my life to see how much I've grown up, that we all might have a better idea of just how much farther I have to go. That's why I never retract statements. Maybe I made a mistake, but of course I don't believe in it anymore, that's why I called it a mistake!

So keep track of me. Give me grace and watch me make mistakes. Those mistakes are there. They're things I did that cannot be removed from history. I want to be authentic. I value integrity.

The road is narrow, and sometimes I step off the path, but I will keep going forward and not go back to cover my tracks. Let's run this race.

93 degrees

It was 93 degrees at my house today. It barely gets that hot in the summer here. It feels like...I don't know...Redding or something. Weird.

I wore shorts for the first time in 2008.

The end.

My dream about heaven and hell -part 2-

Last time I wrote about a dream I had about heaven and hell. If you haven't read that blog, you should before you read this one. For one thing, it's an interesting story, and secondly, this blog won't be nearly as meaningful without reading the other one.

In my dream, when I got on the stairs and asked Jesus if we really had to walk all the way up it I was kind of messing around and fake whining. I really didn't mind the walk. I'd do anything to get to heaven with Him. It would be well worth it. Then he surprised me and said, "Of course not," and turned on the escalator.

This struck me as a good picture of sanctified living/life under grace/whatever you call it. When we are following Jesus, we are willing to walk up the stairs and put in the work. We love being with Him so much, that it's well worth it. So much so that we can joke around with Jesus. But His answer is that we don't do the work. I wonder if it's the willingness to do the work that makes not doing the work so good?

As we neared the top of the escalator, I was surprised by how close heaven was to earth. This is one of the coolest lessons for me. Heaven is so close. Jesus tells us that the Kingdom of Heaven is here (once he was transfigured on the mountain). But the idea that the fullness of the Kingdom is so close was something that I suppose is true, but hadn't been so obvious to me.

The paradoxical thing was that in my dream, the escalator looked like it was really long, like the escalators in the D.C. subway system, which I mentioned are the longest in the Western Hemisphere. This also taught me about the paradoxical nature of the nearness and distance of Heaven and God.

When I got inside the airport, I noticed that to my right were 10 or 12 escalators going down into hell. This is a great picture of the broad road to destruction and the narrow path to righteousness. People heard their names called out on the intercom and were simply told, (their name) "to hell."

Looking back, this reminds me of the sheep and the goats (Matthew 25), which I don't think is reference to a unique judgment, but rather another way of looking at a judgment that is talked about in Revelation. Jesus was painting a picture of the judgment in shepherding terms, similar to what his disciples knew in their culture. I think that quite possibly He was painting a picture of the same thing in airport/subway terms, which I have become quite familiar with since I began dating Julie.

Anyway, the lesson is that the righteous and the unrighteous are separated strictly, without excuse. God knows absolutely whether a person is going to heaven or hell. I know God is a God of grace and love, but in this dream, I saw Him as a God of Justice.

Next, I proceeded to the baggage claim, and I asked why there even was a baggage claim, and even after I woke up from the dream I had a little problem with the fact that people were bringing things into heaven. Then I remembered the truth that Randy Alcorn talks about in The Treasure Principle. Alcorn, who is best known for his writing on heaven and hell actually, says this is the treasure principle: "You can't take it with you, but you can send it ahead."

We were just talking about this principle on Tuesday. But I think I get it now. Just like when you check a bag on a plane, you can't take those large items with you, but you can deposit them in such a way that they make the same journey as you did, but in a different fashion.

So almost everyone had 2 or 3 bags in heaven.

When I got outside of the airport, I noticed how happy everyone was and how clean everything was. This reminded me of my question, "was there human waste in the Garden of Eden?" and it's related question, "If we're eating all the time in heaven, do we have to go to the bathroom? Do we gain weight? Do we need to eat, or is it just for fun?"

I didn't learn too much from being outside. I saw that everyone had bags and I saw that heaven was like a big city. I love what Dr. Schaefer taught in my Biblical Backgrounds class in my freshman year at Simpson. The Bible begins in a garden, and ends in a city.

I love cities, so it made me excited to spend eternity in the heavenly city.

My dream ended with something that wasn't so exciting. I heard the cry of someone dying in hell. I mentioned in my last blog that the sound was like someone being killed in a war movie, except that dying scream lasted forever. The reality that hell is like eternal death was overwhelming. You know what, I don't think hell is like eternal death, I think it is eternal death. Jesus calls it "the second death," and I don't think he means that when you go to hell you are dead again, I think he means you are dying again. But this dying doesn't resolve like your first death did.

I woke up with an urgency to help people not go there. Both last night when Chris was speaking at Youth Group, and today after my dream, I was saddened by the reality that most people who ever have/do/will walk this earth are going to hell. And I realized more than ever just how torturous that is.

Jesus, use me.

In Joel and Acts it talks about how people will dream dreams and have visions, and it says that even your sons and daughters will do those things. I love that wording. To me it indicates that God has a heart for speaking to unbelievers in dreams. 3 years ago I started praying that God would give dreams to people in the city of Redding who weren't following Him. I stopped doing that after awhile, but today my prayer is that God would give dreams to the people of Sonoma County so that they would know Him.

My dream about heaven and hell -part 1-

Last night at youth group, we talked about heaven and hell. So it's no surprise that when I went to sleep last night I had a dream about it. I don't know if this dream was given to me by God or just allowed, but in any case, I learned some things that I think are truth, so I wanted to share it.

There are some things that seem very human in my dream, and I definitely view it as metaphorical for reality. That's what's cool about God though, he is so personal that he would reveal something like heaven to different people in different ways.

Before I dive in, I definitely have a history of prophetic dreams, so I take that into consideration when I read. Looking at my own life, I can see clear instances when God spoke to me through a dream, no ifs ands or buts. That being said, I am less certain of this because of the fact we talked about heaven and hell last night.

I don't remember the exact quotes of what was said, so I'll try to paraphrase. At the end of the blog, I'll say what I learned from the different experiences.

Well, my dream started in the end times. I don't remember the details. All I remember is that Jesus and a bunch of people including me were walking around doing stuff. He told us it was time to leave, and we walked over to a staircase. I wanted to follow Him, and I was more than willing to go up the stairs with Him. I realized it was going to be a long trek up steep stairs, though. Even though I was willing to do the work, I playfully complained, "Do we really have to walk?"

Jesus answered, "Of course not!"

He smiled and hit a switch. The staircase started to move like an escalator. It reminded me of the escalators in the Washington D.C. subway system, which are the tallest escalators in the western hemisphere. The escalator itself looked different, but the length was familiar.

However, we quickly were at the top of the escalator and I said, "That's it? Wow, heaven sure is close." Jesus smiled and disappeared. I don't remember exactly how He disappeared.

Hey, He's Jesus and it was a dream. Both are very convenient reasons to disappear and not raise any suspicion.

As I walked forward from the top of the escalator, it was like being in an airport/subway station mixed together.

I was in a big open room with fluorescent lights and big tiles on the floor. On the ceiling were LED signs with directions. The LEDs were blue. To my right were 10 or 12 escalators going down, like they were going to the subway platform. Every few seconds, a voice would come on an intercom and say someone's name and then simply "to hell." The LEDs would show a name and an arrow directing the person visually.

Most people in the room would turn to the right and just go down one of the many escalators there.

I kept walking and went out a 4-wide door. The next room was a little brighter, since it was closer to the outside. It was a baggage claim.

I asked aloud why people were in line at the baggage claim. I was thinking "But you can't take it with you!" I knew that you can't take any of your stuff to heaven, and I was getting suspicious.

Someone answered (It might have been Jesus, or someone else in the room), "These are the things people had sent ahead." That still didn't make any sense to me. How could you send something ahead if you can't take anything with you?

No one had anything on the escalator, but almost everyone stopped at the baggage claim to get their things.

I went outside that room, and it looked like the outside of an airport. There were a lot of people sitting and chatting. Everyone whose face I remember was smiling. Everyone I saw had 2 or 3 bags with them. Some people were walking away from the airport towards what I felt was the direction of the city itself. A few others chatted on the curbside while waiting to go.

The road, airport, and clothing of everyone looked just like what you'd find at your typical international airport. I don't remember if there were any cars in the street or not.

One thing about both the inside of the airport and the outside that I noticed was a complete lack of trash on the ground. In fact, there were no trashcans and I don't remember seeing any bathrooms either.

Anyway, I went back inside and walked back towards those escalators that lead to hell. I listened.

I heard a person screaming. As if they were dying, and it was their final exclamation. It was like the scream you'd hear in a movie as somebody dies. But the scream didn't end. It just kept on going. It was like they were perpetually on their last breath, and it wasn't a peaceful last breath.

I woke up and processed all I had dreamed about. The longer I was awake the more truth I found in the dream. I decided to sit down and write about it first and foremost to process it better, and secondly because maybe someone will glean from what I am learning from it.

At first when I woke up, I kept thinking about the baggage and how that isn't accurate. You can't take anything with you to heaven. I thought about how having a staircase that turns into an escalator is an awful lot like Led Zeppelin's song which is pretty evil without playing it backwards.

Then I thought more about my dream, and I learned some great things. This blog is getting long, and I will share those in the next one.

A pretty cool picture

This past week I've been up really late a few times. Twice I talked to Julie until 2 or 3 in the morning, and twice I worked on picture editing just as late. On Friday night, I actually was up until 5 AM just processing HDR images. After staring at the screen for so long, I still couldn't fall asleep for a long time even though I was exhausted.

Here's the picture I made last. I couldn't get it to look good with the HDR processing (which usually works great), so I had to find a way to manually do it just with 2 images being put together and layered and then blended. It doesn't look very real, but it looks pretty cool.

The first 2 images are what I worked with to get the final result (#3).





















My favorite photograph is this last one, which is what it really looked like at a normal exposure, but the one I made was pretty cool, just not really truly photographic, in my opinion.

Cherry blossoms

Happy Spring!



That tree is in front of church. I took a few shots when it was flowering a few weeks ago. I am almost positive it's not actually a cherry tree, but whatever. The brushes I used in the background behind the pics are "cherry flowers."

You should be able to enlarge by clicking. It's 3 shots and 1 HDR image. The HDR is the one where you can see detail in the light areas and the shadows. Can you tell which it is?

I'm listening to the new Hillsong United album, which clocks in at a whopping 150 minutes (two and a half hours!) of great live music with lots of crowd mic to hear people worshiping on every continent and in a few languages.

In the Name...of Love!

Happy April 4th. Go listen to U2 and have dreams like MLK.



***"Pride (In the Name of Love)" says "Early morning, April 4th" about MLK's assassination, but the truth is that it was Monday afternoon on April 4th. Just thought I'd share that fact.***

Back to the Future! How we Honor God in Past, Present, and Future

To me, one of the biggest ways I understand God is through time and timing. I'd say that the best way I know God is in something is when multiple things "coincide" in my life in such a way that a theme is clearly present in all of them. Really, coincide is a great word--multiple incidents existing together. This is how God speaks to me through His timing. This week and actually in all of 2008, a lot of "separate" things have coincided to show me clearly what kind of things God is leading me to. I don't think they're all figured out, but partially at least, they are.

When you read the Bible, you notice the word "LORD," which many people know is the word "YHWH," which is God's name, and most people who say it pronounce it "Yahweh." The interesting thing is that the verb it is related to is the Hebrew verb for "to be." In Hebrew, verbs are talked about in their third person, masculine, singular form, so instead of talking about "to be," we would talk about the verb in its form "he is."

The Hebrew verb for "He is" is HYH, which we pronouce "hayah," kind of like what you say in Karate, but not so yelling-like.

So, the name YHWH really means "I am, I was, and I will be," not just "I am that I am." It means "I was that I was, I will be what I was, I am what I was, I was what I will be, I am what I will be," etc.

Most deities of the Ancient Near Eastern world were fertility gods. YHWH, though, chose to reveal Himself as the God who is the same, past, present and future. In addition, as a God who cares about including past, present and future in His Name, He reveals Himself as "God of History."

This is a HUGE difference. Every other local deity was named for its value to humans--fertility for their crops and for their people creating children. Both were essential to the survival of people and human culture.

On the other hand, YHWH reveals Himself as someone who uses the history (as many people call it, "His story") for His own glory.

So, we have terms like "progressive revelation" to describe how God has shown us more of who He is throughout history, culminating in the coming of Jesus (which is complete and incomplete, since He came, but we don't know everything, and He is coming again).

Also, we need to understand that God does certain things in a certain order for a purpose. He knows the future and we don't. Only He can say "I will be what I am." We can't say that. To claim to know the future undoubtedly is to infringe on His name.

I would argue that to claim to know the specific future is to take His name in vain.
(unless it's prophecy that is obviously from Him).

Therefore, when we pray, we should pray with a thankful heart. We should thank Him for what He has done and is doing. And we should be specific about what we thank Him for, while humbly recognizing that this side of heaven we will never see everything that was going on in a moment.

When we pray for the future, we should thank Him for His promises, and realize that we don't understand them completely (or we are once again infringing on His deity, which is exactly what Satan did before God kicked him out of heaven).

So I think we should only thank Him for the future using specific phrases from scripture or broad themes that are clearly, undeniably true. For example, we can thank God that we are healed, but we should not thank God for the timing or method of the future healing, because the healing could be unassisted by doctors, completely assisted by doctors, or even at the time of our death.

I would suggest though, that even better than saying, "thank you that (I, he, she) is healed," we should say, "Thank you for being the Healer." (This is all in the situation of the person not yet having received the healing. If the physical ailment ceases, then by all means, praise God specifically).

This method of thanks for the not-yet gives God the full glory that he deserves, and removes any confusion in our minds as to who knows the future, who fully understands His promises, and who does the healing.

None of us fully understand prayer even, so there is grace for when we do it wrong. That being said, I want to glorify God down to the words I choose, down to the way I talk to Him, even if no one else hears me.

Do I do this all the time? No. But my prayer is that I would learn to glorify God in everything, including the way I word things when I pray and talk about Him.

God exists in all time at once. How amazing is that? We should praise Him for it.

Why do I blog? My perspective 3 years into this thing

Today, let me just share why I blog.

I started blogging regularly in April 2005. That month I really began to live in the power of the Holy Spirit, and started writing things. Many of my friends told me that the things I wrote were blowing them away and shaping them. I took that as an encouragement and started writing publicly on a regular basis through my Myspace blog, which I later moved here to Blogspot.

Now that I've been at it for awhile, I have a little more refined reason for doing it, and I think that sharing it will help you, the reader, understand where I am coming from.

I have always approached my blog as just that...my blog. It's not a book, so it's not full of refined thoughts. It simply has what I'm thinking today, right now, as I write. The beauty of a blog is that it shows how immature we were when we wrote that other thing in the past. That's why I try to not edit old posts.

It shows progression. Development. Influence.

I primarily write for my own good. It's cathartic. It helps me process my thoughts and my day.
You might ask why I don't just journal then? Why share my thoughts?

Because people have encouraged me to. So while I primarily write for my own sake, I secondarily write because so many people have told me they like it. I am humbled by that realization. So yes, I am made confident by hearing those affirming words, but I constantly ask myself, "how is it that me, just this kid who thinks can possibly have anything to say?"


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I blog because I am a small person in a sea of humanity. I want to share what I perceive in life. It is not authoritative in any way unless you choose to listen to it. Everything you read me write should be read with the understanding that I write it from a place of not claiming to have the world figured out.

I live in awe of the mysteries, enigmas, and paradoxes that make up true life under God. I write from that place, and I think it's a good idea that I tell everyone such is the case. So I am doing that now.

I am in agreement with what Rob Bell writes in the intro to Velvet Elvis. He basically says that no one should think they are the end-all authority on anything. God has chosen to use history to show Himself off. That means that thoughts will evolve and become closer to the Truth.

(Note: this was written years before I decided I don't agree with Rob Bell as much, although I always had some qualms about his work.  That's one of the ways I have grown and changed since I wrote this.  But I still like his point I was referring to: no on is the end-all authority on anything).

I am zealous for the truth, because Jesus said, "I am the Truth," and Jesus is God.

God is Truth.

But I also am constantly reminded of my own humanity, and I want to always write from a place of humility, remembering that I don't have it all together.

I don't always do that, but almost always I do. I hope that when people read my blog they (you) see that shining through my words.

Do I make absolute statements? Are they sometimes blunt and maybe step on your toes a little? Yes.

That's how I am. Just remember I am just proclaiming something from this tiny, minuscule dot that is me.

So while it may seem like an exclamation, remember that I'm viewing it as exclaiming from a point.

This is My Life as An Exclamation Point.

3 years

It's been 3 years.

3 years since I read Blue Like Jazz
3 years since I watched Louie Giglio's sermon on the How Great Is Our God Passion CD
3 years since I stopped living in my own strength and started living in His strength
3 years since my "dark night of the soul"
3 years since I started writing for fun
3 years since I started leading worship
3 years since I started blogging like a maniac

Yesterday I read Galatians. In chapters 1-2 Paul tells his life story. He talks about how after he encountered Jesus and was enveloped in His grace, Paul went into the desert of Arabia for 3 years. Then he returned and began to preach.

I realized minutes after I read that passage that it had been 3 years since I first came to live from that same grace. I cite April 2005 as my "crisis of sanctification"--as the moment where I began to live in the power of the Holy Spirit.

I saw my personality change. I saw new gifts develop in me. I started blogging.

I feel like now that it's been 3 years, I have a little bit of a handle on my life's cause. I am not God, and I don't claim to know most of what is going on in my life. But, I think I have a small understanding now.

He Is...i am not -or- the powerful Voice

For a long time I've been fascinated and captivated by the enigma of God. He is infinite, majestic, powerful and intimate, personal, and with us and in us. In theological terms, He is transcendent and immanent. Almost 3 years ago, I wrote a song about it called "The Love of a Holy King," that just reflected on the mystery of Creator God who lives in me.

The last 4 or 5 days, God has been hitting me repeatedly with the reality that His transcendence was revealed first, and then His immanence. Transcendence is the foundation for immanence. They are equal truth, but one was meant to be revealed first.

Of course, the Old Testament primarily is about a mighty God, and the New Testament seems focused on a gracious, close God. But all four gospels first start out giving Jesus the proper credentials.

Check out these passages from the first chapter of each gospel:

Matthew 1:23 Jesus is called "Immanuel" (God with us)
Mark 1:1 "Jesus the Messiah"
Mark 1:7 John the Baptist says he is unworthy to stoop to untie the thongs of Jesus' sandals.
Luke 1-4 This entire passage is the introduction to Luke and sets the stage for what Jesus' purpose was and talks about his credentials as God and Son of God.
John 1:1 "The Word (Jesus) was God."

Obviously even the gospels, which talk so much about how God came to be with us, each start with talking about how it is GOD with us.

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In my small group, we have been talking about God's voice for the last 2 weeks. At my old church, the Stirring, we used to do a thing called Vox Dei, where we would study and listen to God's voice. We never really focused on this new realization I've had, but God has been speaking to me a lot about it in the last week.

Last week I did a search for all the occurrences of the words "voice" and "speak" in the NIV. Almost all of the times we hear about God's voice, it is talking about how God's voice is a terrifying, powerful thing.

So, when we read about Elijah hearing the "gentle whisper," or that God is speaking in the "sheer silence" (as the Rabbis taught about that verse), we need to realize that the entire history of people hearing God's voice prior to that was filled with God speaking through the fire, the earthquake, and the wind.

Yes, God did speak through the silence to Elijah, but usually, up until that point, he spoke through fire. In Deuteronomy 5:22-27 the people are terrified to hear God's voice. They believe they will be destroyed. That is what's supposed to happen when you hear God.

Or consider Psalm 29. This entire chapter is about God's voice, and theme in verse 4 that "the voice of God is powerful;/the voice of God is majestic." It's a beautiful song. It beckons to be read out loud and reflected upon. Try it.

But at the end, after God's voice is destroying all these things, the Psalm reads, "The LORD blesses his people with peace."

The power of God, the otherness of God are revealed first, but the immanence and peace of God are revealed next. It is incomplete to focus on either one and neglect the other. We need to respect God and not take him for granted. Only then will we really begin to grasp just how much He loves us. Only then will I see just how amazing it is that He lives in me.

Don't waste your life

A few weeks ago, I found out that John Piper (one of my favorite thinkers/speakers/writers) was going to be speaking in San Luis Obispo. I thought about driving to the conference, but by the time I remembered to look into it, the event was sold out, and people were going to have to sit in a satellite room and watch a video feed.

Piper posts all of his sermons in video, audio, and text forms on his website, and he blogs at least once a day. So, I just decided to watch the videos later, since it's a 4 hour drive from here and I would need to find a place to stay had I gone to the conference.

Tonight I've been watching the first talk. The conference is based on his book, Don't Waste Your Life. At one point, he is talking about how a passage in the gospels and a passage that Paul wrote are talking about the same thing. It was a huge insight for me to hear.

In Luke 12:15-21, Jesus tells the parable of the man who had a lot of stuff, and built a bigger barn to keep it all in. It says, "(18) And I will say to my soul, Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.’ (20) But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul is required of you, and the things you have prepared, whose will they be?’ (21) So is the one who lays up treasure for himself and is not rich toward God.”

I've read that passage before and thought about how we need to use our stuff for the Kingdom of God, and not for our own couch-potato tendencies. I know that we shouldn't waste our life, but I love what Piper points out next.

He brings up 1 Corinthians 15:17-19, which says, "And if Christ has not been raised, your faith is futile and you are still in your sins. (18) Then those also who have fallen asleep in Christ have perished. (19) If in this life only we have hoped in Christ, we are of all people most to be pitied."

Piper asks how many American Christians, if they died and found out there was no resurrection would be able to look back at their life and see it as a waste. (He does point out that you wouldn't be able to look back since there is no resurrection).

That is a jarring thought. We should be living in such a way that if Jesus is a fraud, if Christianity is untrue that we have wasted our lives. Our lives should appear as a waste to those who do not believe in Jesus. We should be so sold-out for Him that in the world's eyes, we're wasting our lives.

Were I to die and go to an eternal nothingness, I would want to be able to say, "What a waste. Why didn't I live life to the full?" But since I know there is a resurrection, since I know Jesus is real, I know that by emptying myself (just as Jesus did), I will be filled with what's really best, and what brings real joy and real pleasure and real satisfaction.

Piper talks about how we need to not waste our money, our cancer, our robbery (being robbed), our youth, our retirement. Everything has to be done for the glory of God. I love this stuff so much. I wish everyone would watch it and listen to it and study it.

My prayer is that Jesus would continue to ruin my life.