Myspace blog: second thoughts...and third and fourth

I'm sitting in this apartment right now trying to stay awake for a little longer.  Eric and I came up to Redding yesterday to start moving in.  

I went to bed at 12:30 last night, but didn't fall asleep until after 3:30.  Then I woke up around 6 and couldn't fall back asleep, but I stayed on the couch until 10, hoping for just a few moments of rest.  

My mind was so restless.  I'm still unsure about being here.  I realized that I have to earn about twice as much money as I'd originally thought, because I have to pay for things like gas and car insurance (which I totally forgot about).  Gas is going to be expensive, since I have committed to being in Santa Rosa or the Bay Area at least 3 times due to meetings for the South Africa team.  I also figured out that it's not really 3 months between when I move in and when I leave for Africa--it's only 9 weeks.  That means I have less time to work.  

I figured the only jobs that are going to pay enough but be available for that kind of time are temp jobs, so I went to a temp agency.  I've done the whole temping thing before, and it sucks.  So right now I'm thinking I'll still move here on September 1, but if things don't work out employment wise, I'll be forced to go back to Santa Rosa for a while.  I think I will give Redding a month, though.  

I keep thinking about how much good there is here, and how many of you I want to hang out with and all that, but I'm really questioning if I was actually hearing from God when I chose to move back here.  It sucks.  

Part of me wishes that something like a huge earthquake would happen that would create an opportunity for ministry in Santa Rosa, because then i would know that I should be there.  Or maybe something drastic happens here, like I get a job tomorrow.  It's kind of weird that I'm equating disasters with getting a job now, but I'm half asleep, so that's the way things go.  

I keep thinking, "what kind of manager would want to hire someone who is going to be gone in 9 weeks, and has to be gone on a bunch of weekends?"  The answer is "a bad one"(who I don't want to work for) and "a Christian one."  I suppose someone who thinks it's cool that I'm going to help orphans in Africa might be inclined to actually hire me.